Write It Well

A piece of chocolate-covered bacon may … have been the greatest thing I’ve ever tasted.

Still, as both a fan of all things meat and a restaurateur, I have to speak truth to power: The bacon craze has gone too far…. Bacon coffee, bacon cereal, bacon ice cream — America, cut it out!

— Tim Love, “Stop the Bacon Insanity!”

Daily Beast, February 23, 2010

There’s the punctuation of Standard Written English, and then there’s nonstandard punctuation that signals an informal, conversational tone. The informal commas in the last sentence bend the standard rules.

Lighthearted journalism is one context. But in business writing, nonstandard punctuation can lower your credibility.

Adding the word and to the quotation’s last sentence would keep it informal, but make it impeccably standard: “Bacon coffee, bacon cereal, and bacon ice cream — America, cut it out!”

•

For more guidelines on how to use punctuation correctly and confidently, and on when to write with a formal or informal tone, see our updated book Professional Writing Skills: A Write It Well Guide, which will ship on March 5th!

While Burberry joined many designers in live-streaming its show online, it was the first brand to also do it in 3-D. Crowds packed the London show at the Chelsea College of Art and Design, but viewers in five cities around the world were also able to sit in the front row: the show was live-streamed in 3-D to Tokyo, New York, Paris, Dubai, and Los Angeles, where viewers donned special Burberry 3-D glasses.

— Isabel Wilkinson, “The Best of London Fashion Week,”

“Burberry Prorsum” page, The Daily Beast, February 24, 2010

Sometimes, perfect punctuation isn’t enough to make a sentence perfectly clear. Rewriting is the best answer.

Take this last sentence. Viewers in all five cities probably got the 3-D glasses, but the excellent punctuation still leaves you guessing whether the glasses were a perk of being in L.A.

We’d suggest this revision for clarity:

Crowds packed the London show at the Chelsea College of Art and Design. The show was live-streamed in 3-D to Tokyo, New York, Paris, Dubai, and Los Angeles, enabling all these viewers around the world to don special Burberry 3-D glasses and sit in the front row.

•

For more guidelines on how to use commas correctly and confidently and write crystal-clear sentences, see our updated book Professional Writing Skills: A Write It Well Guide, which will ship on March 5th!

Things that aren’t practical on the iPhone due to its small size are natural and almost magical on the iPad.

— Daniel Eran Dilger, “Hands on with Apple’s iPad (with videos and photos),”

Apple Insider, January 27, 2010

Imagine this sentence were longer. Would it still be correct without any commas if it read this way?

Activities like looking at large webpages and reading e-books that aren’t practical on the iPhone due to its small size are natural and almost magical on the iPad.

Yes, it would still be correct. That’s because those highlighted words are crucial to the author’s meaning. The sentence would mean something else without them.

It would be incorrect to use commas in either sentence – e.g., “Activities like reading e-books, that aren’t practical on the iPhone due to its small size, are natural and almost magical on the iPad.”

•

For more guidelines on how to use commas correctly and confidently, see our updated book Professional Writing Skills: A Write It Well Guide, which will ship on March 5th!

After months of speculation, Apple launched its tablet, the iPad on Wednesday.  The lightweight device (1.5 pounds) features a luminous touchscreen and a user interface similar to the iPhone. The iPad, which can cost $500 to $830 depending on the model, runs an expanded version of the operating system used in the iPhone.

— Priya Ganapati, “Apple iPad’s Display Is More Like a TV Than a Laptop,”

Wired magazine, January 28, 2010

This quote’s first and last sentences are good illustrations of when you need two commas — not just one — to surround information inside your sentence.

The last sentence would still be true if you left out the prices inside the orange commas, so those two commas are correct. That’s also why the single comma in the first sentence is incorrect.

The sentence would mean the same thing without the product name (as “Apple launched its tablet on Wednesday”). So the product name needs to be set off with commas: “Apple launched its tablet, the iPad, on Wednesday.”

•

For more guidelines on how to use commas correctly and confidently, see our updated book Professional Writing Skills: A Write It Well Guide, which will ship on March 5th!

Peter Frenette of the U.S. jumped during a training session in Whistler, Canada, on Thursday.

— Jeré Longman, “Battle of Weight Versus Gain in Ski Jumping” (photo caption),

New York Times website, February 11, 2010

Commas like the one after “Canada,” above, are always required. If a place name or street address includes one comma, add the second comma if your sentence goes on to include further information.

•

For more guidelines on how to use commas correctly and confidently, see our updated book Professional Writing Skills: A Write It Well Guide, which will ship on March 5th!

Out of more than 30,000 runs in the three sliding sports — bobsled, luge and skeleton — Whistler has seen 340 crashes.

— David Epstein, “Luge dangers exaggerated,”

CNN Opinion, February 16, 2010

“Skeleton” in the sentence above refers to a winter sport (AKA tobogganing). The writer uses only one comma because it’s standard journalistic practice to leave out a comma before “and” in a list of three or more items in a series.

For most writers, though, we’d strongly recommend adding a comma after “luge” in this sentence. Always including the series comma means your reader will always understand how many separate things you’re listing in a sentence.

•

For more guidelines on how to use commas correctly and confidently, see our updated book Professional Writing Skills: A Write It Well Guide, which will ship on March 5th!

Here is a  simple way to use commas to write crystal-clear sentences when you need your reader to understand items in a series (lists of three or more things).  Without any commas, three or more items in a series run into one another. The result is confusing.

Joe’s first assignments will be to clean the shelves move the filing cabinets put the books in alphabetical order and take the outdated files to the warehouse.

Commas make it clear that each item in the series — in this case, four activities — is separate from the other items.

Joe’s first assignments will be to clean the shelves, move the filing cabinets, put the books in alphabetical order, and take the outdated files to the warehouse.

“Red, white, and blue” is an example of three items in a series. The most common conjunctions for items in a series are the words and and or.

One of the most common punctuation questions is whether to use a comma before the final conjunction in a series of three or more items. This punctuation is sometimes called the serial or series comma.

Without series comma: The store has the shirt in red, blue, green and yellow.

With series comma: The store has the shirt in red, blue, green, and yellow.

In fact, there is no hard-and-fast rule about including or omitting the series comma. Some organizations have rules requiring that you always use the series comma or that you avoid it. Very few journalists use the series comma because omitting it saves column space.

If your organization doesn’t have this rule, we recommend always using the series comma. It makes your writing clearer and makes your life simpler. If you always use the series comma, you’ll never have to pause and ask yourself if your reader will grasp your meaning, and you’ll always be correct.

One more thing: remember that the series comma always goes before the conjunction, and never after it.

Incorrect: Send the company treasurer your last three pay stubs, a copy of your federal tax return and, copies of any form 1099s you might have received.

Correct: Send the company treasurer your last three pay stubs, a copy of your federal tax return, and copies of any form 1099s you might have received.

Finally, here are some sentences without the series comma. Try inserting the series comma in these sentences.

1. The doctor said the condition’s symptoms include itching, hunger and thirst.

2. There are three new team members: Erin Copland, Jennifer Steinblum and Pat Jonas.

3. The valedictorian thanked his parents, Ms. Brown and Mr. Weir.

Next, you’ll find the same three sentences with the series comma. We think you’ll agree that the series comma helps clarify the meaning of each sentence.

1. The doctor said the condition’s symptoms include itching, hunger, and thirst.

2. There are three new team members: Erin Copland, Jennifer Steinblum, and Pat Jonas.

3. The valedictorian thanked his parents, Ms. Brown, and Mr. Weir.

Without the series comma, Sentence 3 could refer to the valedictorian’s thanking either two or four people. The reader is left guessing whether or not Ms. Brown and Mr. Weir are the valedictorian’s parents. The series comma makes it clear that the valedictorian thanked four people.

Many writers use passive language without thinking. It pays to think about passive language carefully since it tends to weaken your writing, confuse your readers, and make your sentences longer. In contrast, active language focuses your readers’ attention and increases the impact of your message.

As you can see in the following examples of active language, the actor comes before the action. To use active language, say who acts, not just what the action is. In the following revisions, we’ve underlined the actor and boldfaced the action.

PASSIVE:  The project was managed by John.
ACTIVE:  John managed the project.

PASSIVE:  The design document has been completed by the team.
ACTIVE:  The team has completed the design document.

PASSIVE:  A plan was prepared and distributed to employees by the committee.
ACTIVE:  The committee prepared a plan and distributed it to employees.

All three of these sentences are clearer when the actors come before the action.

When you give instructions, it’s particularly important to say clearly what you want your readers to do. It can be frustrating and confusing to try to follow instructions that someone wrote in passive language.

PASSIVE:  The water should be measured every 35 minutes.
ACTIVE:  (Implied you) Measure the water every 35 minutes.
—OR—
The technician should measure the water every 35 minutes.

PASSIVE:  The cover of the printer should be lifted, the ink cartridges that have been emptied should be removed, and the new ink cartridges should then be opened, prepared, and inserted in the appropriate slots.
ACTIVE:  (Implied you) Lift the printer cover, remove the empty cartridges, open and prepare the new cartridges, and insert the new cartridges into the appropriate slot.

The first revision changes passive to active language by putting a stated actor before the action of measuring the water. In the second revision, the implied actor – “you” – now appears before the actions of lifting the cover and removing the cartridge. Did you notice how much more concise the active version is?

The next two examples also show how to revise a passive-language sentence by adding one or more missing subjects or actors.

PASSIVE:  The door was found unlocked three times during the past month.
ACTIVE:  The security guard found the door unlocked three times during the past month.

PASSIVE:  It would be appreciated if the report could be delivered to me on Monday.
ACTIVE:  I would appreciate it if you deliver the report to me on Monday.

You can find more information about using active language, and many other ways to bring your writing to life, in our book Professional Writing Skills: A Write It Well Guide. The new edition of the book, along with a corresponding facilitator kit, will ship in January 2010.

Performance objectives (also called performance standards and performance plans) describe what an employee will do to meet specific job requirements.  Clearly written objectives define expectations for the employee.  They also provide a standard against which the person’s performance can be compared.  

Here’s an example:

Jared’s job description states that he is responsible for filling the book orders that come in on his shift. 

How would you write a performance objective for Jared that is SMART?
 
One of his objectives might be:
 
Follow the steps in the “Fill Orders” procedure to fill each book order that comes in on your shift.  All orders must be filled within two working days.  

Here are some tips for writing performance objectives:

• Focus on describing the results you want to achieve, not the activities you will perform.
• Do more than simply retate your job duties.
• Use the “who, what, and when” approach.  State clearly what will be accomplished, who is going to accomplish it, and by when.
• Begin objectives with an action verb.
• Make sure objectives are SMART.

What is SMART?
 
To be useful, most performance objectives should meet the following SMART criteria:

• Specific – Are they specific?
• Measurable – Are they measurable?
• Achievable – Are they achievable?
• Realistic – Are they realistic given the resources available?
• Time – Are they time-bound?

 
More information about SMART objectives, examples of objectives that are more difficult to measure, and activities and exercises can be found in Lesson 1 of Write It Well’s new book, Writing Performance Reviews: A Write It Well Guide.

Keep your reader reading by using short sentences and short paragraphs.

Studies show that people have to read sentences of more than 28-30 words at least twice and that long paragraphs are difficult for your reader. If you make your reader work too hard, they might give up.

As a general rule, keep the average length of your sentences to 18-22 words, with only one or two thoughts per sentence. If you are using technical or unusual terms, drop the count to 15-18 words.

Here’s a before/after example:

BEFORE: I worked with a number of managers and supervisors to explore the issues that surfaced during the change process, including their major concerns about their own future and a sense of loss as a result of change, and their less urgent concerns that have to do with a reconciliation of conflicting needs and priorities, and their questions about how the reorganization will affect production. (64 words)

Here is an easy method for revising a long sentence:

1. Break down the ideas in the sentence.

I worked with managers and supervisors to explore the issues resulting from changes.

Issues included:

concerns about their future
sense of loss as a result of change
concerns about conflicting needs and priorities
questions about how the reorganization will affect production

2. Write separate (short) sentences containing only one or two ideas.

AFTER: I worked with a number of managers and supervisors to explore the issues that surfaced during the change process. (19) People had a profound sense of loss as a result of the change and were very concerned about their future. (20) They were also concerned about reconciling conflicting needs and priorities and had questions about how the reorganization will affect production. (20)