September 28th, 2009
Concision and the Cola Tax
“As with any public health intervention, the precise effect of a tax cannot be known until it is implemented and studied, but research to date suggests that a tax on sugar-sweetened beverages would have strong positive effects on reducing consumption.” – Kelly D. Brownell, PhD, et al., “The Public Health and Economic Benefits of Taxing Sugar-Sweetened Beverages,” New England Journal of Medicine online, September 16, 2009
This sentence was taken from an article about taxing sugary drinks. Don’t you think that the quotation is longer than it needs to be? We do We re-wrote it this way:
“Of course it is difficult to predict, but research suggests that if sugary beverages were taxed, the public would drink less of them and would be healthier.”
For more tips about writing clearly and concisely, see Write It Well’s book Professional Writing Skills: A Self-Paced Training Program.
Tags: beverage, clarity, cola, concision, New England Journal of Medicine, public health, sugar, tax